BELIEVE by Morgan Page

I caught a glimpse of the future

I thought a hint might do

Tick tock, few minutes to go

I should have seen the sign years ago

Tried to warn them it was coming

Tried to tell them what I'd seen

I saw the towers crumble

I saw the long distance thought

And I could see how you think I'm crazy

But you're the one with no sense at all

I want to believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

World that we know

The light of a dream

I want to believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

World that we know

In a layer in between

There is light and a dream

In a place tied to the past

I should have known that It'd never last

I saw the people rising

I saw the great vibe

And I could see how you think I'm crazy

But you're the one that tried to run and hide

I want to believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

World that we know

The light of a dream

I want to believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

World that we know

In a world gets lost and when it gets to be so heavy

How did they get the control?

Is there any way we can go?

Hold my heart in your hand

'Till you squeeze all you can

How you give me life to make me

Hold my heart and you save me

I want to, ooh, believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

Beyond the world that we know

I want to believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

World that we know

The light of a dream

I want to believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

World that we know

I want to, ooh, believe

In the light of a dream

Place that we'd go

Beyond the world that we know

Pain vs Pleasure

I've often pondered about suffering, and about how much is too much, or perhaps, what would be the right dosage for different kind of people. One of my heroes Mahatma Gandhi said that 'Suffering brings you to Greatness'; and also, 'You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind'. He was a man who stood up for his people peacefully. Another hero, Nelson Mandela, who said that ' There is no passion to be found planning small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living', and also, 'When the water starts boiling it is foolish to turn off the heat'. He had to withstand 40 years in prison away from his family and life because he had to abide by unbelievable rules of people who had invaded his country. The great prophets themselves went through suffering before achieving the ultimate bliss/blessings. Jesus, the Messiah (my great,great,great,great,great x 100 great grand father :)) was mocked and belittled, stripped of his clothes and whipped and made to walk the streets wearing a plaited crown of thorns and carrying a heavy cross. He ended up being nailed to it in front of an entire community. Siddhartha, turned Buddha with a good enough upbringing, learnt about suffering and pain when he made his way out into the world, eating only a leaf a day and having a drink of water, only when it rained. Scoffed by his fellow friends on the path when he realized that life was about the middle path/way; and tempted when he was coming close to achieving Nirvana. And Mohammed, who was a diplomat, philosopher and person of divine action for his people, went through his own share of suffering, orphaned at an early age and worked hard most of his life as a merchant, until he completely surrendered his life to God/Allah and began having revelations about life.

We wonder then if pain and pleasure go hand in hand. One of my favourite, if not finest mythical poets from the 13^th century, the Persian, Jalal al-Din Rumi, who later settled in Konya Turkey, wrote most attractively about life, yet he was able to also capture feelings of dread and doubt that often times went along with it. Khalil Gibran, also, from the East, but this time Lebanese heritage, spoke of truth within the Universe, saying that both pain and pleasure flows in the same stream together. For if we drink and have a merry time, however drink in excess, then we receive pain the next day and feel ill. So in other words we actually bring it upon ourselves. Therefore, perhaps we should always succeed carefully and cautiously and with a steady pace. On the other hand, if we did not feel pain, how would we strengthen or build our character? How would we purify ourselves and become more spiritual and soul-searching? We all strive for happiness, but would we be able to express ourselves fully if we didn't withstand pain and suffering?

I believe, based on my readings, lessons from my father and experiences in life, that after immense suffering and pain, one becomes happy to know of the maturity/strength and clear vision one is given after being able to withstand and or become resilient. It also gives you the opportunity to surrender and change your attitude because we achieve spiritual insight or spiritual truth.

So you may be in limbo, (by the way, just had to say that 'limbo the dance' was created in non other than the lovely twin-islands of Trinidad & Tobago J) and unsure of how long this amount of suffering will last. One hundred years is like one day in the spiritual/heavenly realm, therefore we must garner patience, there is no time-limit to success or adoration. Mr. Nelson Mandela was sentenced to life imprisonment from 1964 to 1982. He was then moved to another prison until Febuary 11^th 1990, when 4 decades later he was finally set free; and this man can still smile and have hope. He can still love people despite others that hated him so much and treated his people so badly. The sweet, meek , mild and jolly Dalai Lama is another great man who despite treachery, violence and betrayal of his people and his land, he is still able to show others genuine love and be of service to others which brings him joy. If they are able to have patience and belief in their dreams after such an extended amount of time,( in the Dalia Lama's case, he is still waiting), then who are we to complain and pout and stomp around.

Do not compare yourself to other people, whom in your eyes may be doing better than you are; everyone has their own path, and their own problems, therefore, be grateful for your path and your plan and have faith that you too will be able to achieve greatness.

I will leave you with a lovely little story I came across once, and I hope it is as effective for you as it was for me; feel free to include man/woman as you see fit; remember nothing in life is permanent, so enjoy:

THE STRAWBERRY STORY

A woman/man is running from a tiger that's chasing her/him. She runs through the woods until she gets to the edge of a cliff. The tiger is still behind her, so she climbs down a vine. The tiger reaches the top of the cliff and paces back and forth, licking its chops. Midway down the cliff, hanging onto the vine, she sees another tiger below her, pacing back and forth, licking its chops. As, she's hanging there, two mice come out and start gnawing on the vine. She tries to shoo them away but they won't go.

Just then she sees, growing out of the face of the cliff in front of her, a wild strawberry. She picks it and eats it. It's delicious.

According to Bhagavad Gita:

"The contacts of the senses with the sense objects give rise to the feelings of heat and cold, and pain and pleasure. They are transitory and impermanent. Therefore, [learn to] endure them, O Arjuna."

And Marquis De Sade:

"It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure."

"So the path may be treacherous, long and unfair, but during this daunting bit of voyage, you find beauty, truth, trust and love, which if you never made the journey, you would never know they in fact existed!" J -- By Jair Ananda Massiah.

Jackie' Boy

I am grateful to know that whatever we go through or endure in life is towards our growth; I am also grateful to know that this year 2010 is almost over. [hahah] I know it sounds absolutely silly, but I seriously am appreciative of the lessons I've learnt, but looking forward to and expecting great new and exciting things. I know that in the future, resilience will be almost as a reflex action and understanding and patience is what follows. Remembering is wonderful and friends and family that continue to remind you and help you to tune in to the frequency of life here on earth.

I've known people who find it easier to spend time with their pets/animals rather than people; and others who've appreciated time by themselves as opposed to socializing or attending group events. I understand these people, as I too, as a child was painfully shy and much rather enjoyed reading and writing from the comfort of my favourite tree. It's alright to be different and of a gentler nature; the world at times, as well as many of our fellow peers tend to be harsh, callous and hypocritical; making our lives seem like a living hell. It is sometimes loads easier to immerse yourself with kind beings like animals or stories from books. But there are others who view the world as you do, according to the 'Desiderata', despite the world's sham and drudgery, it is still a beautiful world.

When you are embarking upon great things, the devils/enemies/evil spirits are let out to try to break your spirit. You must be strong and never lose sight of your goal, because it will soon happen, once you never lose sight of your ultimate vision.

I love the final scene in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, when 'Chief Bromden' played by Will Sampson finally believes in himself and garners the strength he always had within him to lift the heavy 'structure' and bust his way out of the mental institution. He said, "But Mac, you're bigger than me!" and my beloved Jackie boy, Jack Nicholson, who plays 'Randle P. McMurphy' responds by saying that he was the biggest man he'd ever seen. Sometimes you just have to believe in yourself to master your greatest feats/fears. And sometimes during tragedy and adversity it is then that you find yourselves and learn about yourself, more than you ever did.

Be conscious of the 'real' beauty around you; it is good to use your heart, but also wise to use your head, we only use 10% of our brains, if we use the 2 together, what magnificent beings we could become. The heart tells you the truth and gives you energy, and the brain gives answers and solutions. I often wished I could have a travel partner on my many journeys; and I hadn't escaped to explore this year, but I'm already planning out my travel itinerary for next year. New discoveries and re-discoveries are in order; and whether I'm alone or not, I expect great things! J

Remember, that there is a difference between 'nothing comes easy' and 'trying hard at something'; for when something is right, you enjoy the journey, there are no doubts and it is not a chore. If you are constantly hitting your head into a brick wall, in the sake of achieving something with little or no progress, then it is probably for a reason. When you try hard at something, but have an innate desire to achieve it, you will succeed when the time is right…

I would like to leave you with the words of the Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann 1927:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

I Love You

Sacrifice

While trying to reshuffle the heaps of books I own to decide which ones I should get rid of and which I certainly must keep; I happened to come across some old photographs in albums I'd tucked away and forgotten about. Instead of me chucking out these books and making my load of University text books, poetry books and inspirational books lighter, I ended up keeping all of them and instead becoming quite emotional while reminiscing over the "me" of 8 years old, and much younger than that. Surrounded by my beloved and late granny, my parents not always smiling from ear to ear as they had to keep the mischievous brood of my siblings and I together and also of my extended family and friends; how much I'd changed throughout these years, I'd thought. I tried to think back to those days and the difficulties I'd had then and how happy I was indeed as a child with quarter the worry I had now as an adult. All the smiles, all the laughter, the lush green and sandy bodies that were all squashed into that one square. Where did it all go, where did I go? I had left the nest and silky lucid sea to find a life of my own. To begin from scratch (literally), in a new, harsh, yet exciting new land and also one day begin a family of my own. I glared around my little room and frowned…I suppose I wasn't doing a very good job at the moment…

Then I thought of 'Sacrifice'… that even my successful parents and grandparents had to go through this before living a more comfortable or suitable life. Sure if I'd stayed at home I'd have more hugs and helping hands, but if I have the option to be the 'best me'; despite it being a more rigorous path, this would be the path that I would take. It's more of an adventure this way anyhow.

Sacrifice is undergoing un-appealing conditions and cutting back on comfort and material things we may enjoy to gain better sight or rewards by firstly conserving. In other words, it is similar to the life of a butterfly; in that most of its life it isn't gliding around happily in the wind, but instead a plump and wiggly caterpillar, having to chomp on leaves and find a safe place it could build a cocoon for itself. And even after all of this, the rewards do not come quickly, after it gorges itself and becomes overweight it must stay in that cramped space until the time is absolutely right and it is ready to transform into a dazzling butterfly! J

So too must we have sacrifice in our lives; for some it may be much easier, but then everyone has their own path and lessons to learn. For those of you that seem to make progress at a slower rate, it is alright…for you have more time to enjoy the journey while getting there. Each morning give thanks for the small things you are grateful for and smile through the 'not so great' days, because each morning you awake you are getting that much closer to your dreams taking flight too! J Once you do the right things, believe in yourself and keep your vision and goal in mind, you will most certainly get to your destination.

I will leave you with some words of wisdom by one of my favourite authors Wayne W. Dyer, who speaks about having patience with your dreams/aspirations.

"…the secret to being patient is in the certainty of the outcome. When that certainty is manifested in you in the form of trust and a knowing, you can then turn your thoughts away from the desired outcome. Without anger or anxiety, you are able to turn your attention to whatever it is that occupies your daily life schedule…"

"…Infinite patience produces almost immediate results in your life. You become free when you relax your insistence to have it now, and you increase your awareness that you actually do have it now, already, even though it may not have shown up as you would like it in your immediate surroundings…"

*** I felt compelled to say this – Know your true value and worth, what you deserve, and never settle. People that don't recognize and treat you as such; you shouldn't waste your precious time on them. Keep positive people around you, and people who know what they want out of life. Although it is important to respect others, have respect for yourself also. You're a beautiful being and you deserve that love from yourself too; practicing love and respect for yourself, shows others that they must treat you the same! Bless-up! – Jair J

Mr. Fix It

Most of you should know about 'Mr. Clean'; the name of a cleaning brand in the United States; and for those of you who don't, well it's one of the million brands of cleaning products, with the handsome cartoon smiling face of a man on the bottle. What most of you may not know is that in Europe, 'Mr. Clean' goes by the name 'Mr. Proper'! [Hahah] Same handsome animated character, but different name; hey, I'd be interested in them both! But how about we keep dreaming and add 'Mr. Fix It' to the mix? Well; let's envision now that you could 'Spray', 'Wait a few minutes' and then, 'Voila!' 'Problem Solved'. Just as Mr. Clean and Mr. Proper would properly clean up messes, Mr. Fix It' could do the same for your problems.

Pretty wild eh? I thought so…well, what if I told you, there was a Mr. Fix It! I see you shaking your head, but must you only believe in bottles and cans with handsome men promising you the world? How about a guaranteed love that would never leave your side? Instead of spray, just pray; people underestimate the power of prayer. People pray in many different ways, practice many different religions, and there is no one right way. It is only many different rivers to one ocean; many paths to one destination.

Offer up your burdens, do your best, let go, and let the magic work. Miracles happen every day, and I have been lucky to see them, you will too, they're right in front of you…waiting patiently for you to see the world with a new set of eyes. It may not happen instantaneously like a cleaning product spray does, but it occurs whenever the time is right…

"The more these painful stories are recalled and repeated, the more the person is guaranteed of not attracting his or her desires. Your biography becomes your biology." – Wayne W. Dyer

Your Love

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I know it ain't Valentine, but I'm still so much in love with you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Even the Pope wouldn't believe, how much I adore you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, your walk, your talk, your aroma, Everything baby, my heart only races for you! J

Just some silly yet cute poetry to let the one I love know that I still care. Yes, you…you know who you are! [hahah] My doux-doux, my darling, my stud-muffin!

Well I can love as much as I want, but the love that I know I'll always have and am grateful for; is the love of the Universe. Ask and it is given; search and you will find truth; fall and you will get back up again. I couldn't be more in love with the perfection despite the rough moments and intricacy to the way this world works. Sure the terrible times are terrible, you wish you could just fast forward or rewind to what feels better, but we go through these moments, like those of a mischievous child playing with fire, to know that, "It's not good for you…", "Stop doing that…", "Trust me, I know what I'm telling you…", "Look at this brilliant sunshine instead…" Not only is it all sparkly and bright, but it won't burn you if you try to touch it and it gives you Vitamin D also! J

For the past couple weeks back out to class; I'd been feeling a bit 'bummed out'. My fellow classmates, talented and self-assured of their craft, having years of experience, or in other cases, having all their time to dedicate to their craft, made me feel hollow inside. My acting coach told me that he found me quite charming and sweet; even saying that I expelled a purity and innocence; but that I had to be dedicated 100% to my characters. My classmates laughed and if I could turn red…I probably would turn crimson. Some classmates even went so far as to say…"Yea, I haven't been that innocent, since I was like 4 years old!" Ha-Ha! Not very funny! But I took it; didn't make me feel better, but I knew I had to keep at this.

My professor said, "You're not mad enough!" and "You're not sad enough!" I got pretty close at times, but seemed to always fall flat on my face. What was I missing? What couldn't I understand? I knew I had to dig deeper…I knew that I had to seriously separate 'the Jair' from 'the actress'. I began to realize to be successful at this, I had to no longer combat between the 2; I had to become only 1, for that moment and truly be vulnerable and tell the story and be the voice that these characters wanted to share.

I pretty much had come to the end of my rope, and although I had come up with justifications on why it was difficult for me to let go, I still was at wit's end as to how my performance would really improve…I couldn't give up though and instead of practicing the lines silly, as I would usually do, as an alternative I searched within and prayed for release.

Being an actor is quite a vulnerable position to be in; and I have new-found love and continuous respect for the 'authentic' actors out there; like Anthony Hopkins, Michael Caine, Emma Thompson, Merryl Streep and Jack Nicholson to name a few. They truly embody what it means to completely transform into a disturbed character. Everyone has their strong points and then there are areas where some need more work in. My problem area certainly was anger as well as crying/sadness; I could pretend, but not very convincingly, I had it in me; but didn't care to share it with the world, or in front of anybody for that matter! Gratefully I was able to let go of the 'innocent, proper and lady-like' Jair and truthfully personify my character's pain.

It felt wonderful, liberating, and tremendously satisfying! I am capable, I do have potential and I may not be as advanced as my classmates, however I was making progress by leaps and bounds; pretty astounding for a girl in her 2^nd year of taking classes and working day to day outside of her field of study. I love moments like these when you realize that everything is okay and whatever it is you are going through is not in vain. Your love, your dedication, your loyalty, your respect, your dreams are all valid. My teacher said my work that night was 'brilliant', but it wasn't just his words, I felt brilliant for being able to finally connect and be the voice of that girl's pain…

I'm heading in the right direction and it's all because of 'Your Love', 'Your Guidance' and 'My Belief/Faith' that I can be the best I can be because my desire out-weighs my fear…

And now, the song that my darling brother was playing non-stop whenever he was at home; the song that we danced silly to (but looked pretty damn' good doing it); the song that I have now been playing non-stop since returning to the California…'Your Love' and 'Yuh Love' à The Remix! J

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSFyrrhKj1Q&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wQLSsLVlt4

Trust

I've been wanting to write about the theme of 'Trust' for a while now, but I wasn't quite sure how I could go about it. For me it is a lesson I've learnt recently; and even if I do have short spells of doubt that invade my mind, because of my lesson I am able to shake it off much more quickly than ever before. Trust is a massive thing we humans deal with throughout our life; if we didn't have it then we could never feel comfortable or at ease with others. We hope we can trust our doctors to do a good job at stitching us up right. We hope we can trust our parents to make the right decisions on raising us right. We hope we can trust our friends to be there for us when we need them the most. We hope for many things from people; however many times friends, family and loved ones let us down. It may not be their intention, but they disappoint, be-little, betray, and sometimes literally make our life a living hell. Because of this dis-trust, it is more difficult to believe the person a 2^nd time or trust or be nice to new people that may enter our lives. It is like the story of 'The Boy who Cried Wolf'; where time and time again people were sympathetic and empathetic with the boy's pleas, each time realizing that it was for the own boy's good that he learn his lesson on his own, instead of playing with people's emotions. We should always treat people the way we wish to be treated…

There have been quite a few times in my life where I have been swindled, trapped, played with and upset beyond recognition; in turn creating within me heightened suspicions and disbelief of anyone entering my life, claiming to add positively to it. I learned that you could never judge a book by its cover though and that whatever you may be thinking about somebody, you're most likely wrong. It is better to practice that everyone is innocent until proven guilty; and when they are proven guilty; forgive them, for they know not that they are in fact harming themselves more than they hoped to hurt you.

There is a saying that goes: "Forgive a person not 7 times, but 77 times…" and another which states: "And if someone slaps you in the face, turn and give them the next cheek…" These are certainly noble and wise statements, however after someone has continuously shown you an ugly side of them, even after you have tried multiple times to make things better, then I believe you should forgive them, and let go. It is not good to keep vexations or negativity around you…it is not good for your soul or your happiness! Forgive, be civil, but do not entertain people who aren't genuine or loving to you in your life. You can never force someone to do anything they aren't ready to; only they can change themselves…do your best and know that one day it will be resolved; in the mean time, continue living the best you can!

I have learnt that with people trust is questionable but that the love from the Universe/Creator/God is the one that we can always count on and feel secure in. Trust in the Universe is closely related to having faith that whatever seems impossible is possible and whatever seems too heavy a burden becomes light as a feather. Sometimes life becomes turbulent to make way for greater things to come into our lives. Through the greatest tragedy, change takes place to give birth to new beautiful people and things in our lives…the Universe/God wants the best for you in your life and when things become sour in different aspects of your life, it is a means of getting rid of toxicities so that you are able to rediscover a better you! Whatever is in the darkness must come to light and it is usually for a very good reason; to remove your blindness so that you can stare widely into splendid and magnificent pure light! J

To find truth, it is as difficult as for blind men to try to describe the real form of an elephant by touch… and this leads me to a darling Buddhist fable that goes like this:

"…Once upon a time a king gathered some blind men about an elephant and asked them to tell him what an elephant was like. The first man felt a tusk and said an elephant was like a giant carrot; another happened to touch an ear and said it was like a big fan; another touched its trunk and said it was like a pestle; still another, who happened to feel its leg, said it was like a mortar; and another, who grasped its tail said it was like a rope. Not one of them was able to tell the king the elephant's real form.

In like manner, one might partially describe the nature of man but would not be able to describe the true nature of a human being…"

In other words, I believe that it is only in the Universe/God that you could safely but all of your trust in, for positive deliveries every time. For even though you may be walking on un-stable ground, and you do not even know where you are going or how you can go on; you can have trust to know that all you need to do is put one foot in front of the other and ground will appear… problems will be fixed or eliminated, burdens will be lifted and joys and love will be recovered if you just keep your faith and 'trust' alive….and keep on walking…J