Roses are red, Violets are blue, I know it ain't Valentine, but I'm still so much in love with you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Even the Pope wouldn't believe, how much I adore you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, your walk, your talk, your aroma, Everything baby, my heart only races for you! J
Just some silly yet cute poetry to let the one I love know that I still care. Yes, you…you know who you are! [hahah] My doux-doux, my darling, my stud-muffin!
Well I can love as much as I want, but the love that I know I'll always have and am grateful for; is the love of the Universe. Ask and it is given; search and you will find truth; fall and you will get back up again. I couldn't be more in love with the perfection despite the rough moments and intricacy to the way this world works. Sure the terrible times are terrible, you wish you could just fast forward or rewind to what feels better, but we go through these moments, like those of a mischievous child playing with fire, to know that, "It's not good for you…", "Stop doing that…", "Trust me, I know what I'm telling you…", "Look at this brilliant sunshine instead…" Not only is it all sparkly and bright, but it won't burn you if you try to touch it and it gives you Vitamin D also! J
For the past couple weeks back out to class; I'd been feeling a bit 'bummed out'. My fellow classmates, talented and self-assured of their craft, having years of experience, or in other cases, having all their time to dedicate to their craft, made me feel hollow inside. My acting coach told me that he found me quite charming and sweet; even saying that I expelled a purity and innocence; but that I had to be dedicated 100% to my characters. My classmates laughed and if I could turn red…I probably would turn crimson. Some classmates even went so far as to say…"Yea, I haven't been that innocent, since I was like 4 years old!" Ha-Ha! Not very funny! But I took it; didn't make me feel better, but I knew I had to keep at this.
My professor said, "You're not mad enough!" and "You're not sad enough!" I got pretty close at times, but seemed to always fall flat on my face. What was I missing? What couldn't I understand? I knew I had to dig deeper…I knew that I had to seriously separate 'the Jair' from 'the actress'. I began to realize to be successful at this, I had to no longer combat between the 2; I had to become only 1, for that moment and truly be vulnerable and tell the story and be the voice that these characters wanted to share.
I pretty much had come to the end of my rope, and although I had come up with justifications on why it was difficult for me to let go, I still was at wit's end as to how my performance would really improve…I couldn't give up though and instead of practicing the lines silly, as I would usually do, as an alternative I searched within and prayed for release.
Being an actor is quite a vulnerable position to be in; and I have new-found love and continuous respect for the 'authentic' actors out there; like Anthony Hopkins, Michael Caine, Emma Thompson, Merryl Streep and Jack Nicholson to name a few. They truly embody what it means to completely transform into a disturbed character. Everyone has their strong points and then there are areas where some need more work in. My problem area certainly was anger as well as crying/sadness; I could pretend, but not very convincingly, I had it in me; but didn't care to share it with the world, or in front of anybody for that matter! Gratefully I was able to let go of the 'innocent, proper and lady-like' Jair and truthfully personify my character's pain.
It felt wonderful, liberating, and tremendously satisfying! I am capable, I do have potential and I may not be as advanced as my classmates, however I was making progress by leaps and bounds; pretty astounding for a girl in her 2nd year of taking classes and working day to day outside of her field of study. I love moments like these when you realize that everything is okay and whatever it is you are going through is not in vain. Your love, your dedication, your loyalty, your respect, your dreams are all valid. My teacher said my work that night was 'brilliant', but it wasn't just his words, I felt brilliant for being able to finally connect and be the voice of that girl's pain…
I'm heading in the right direction and it's all because of 'Your Love', 'Your Guidance' and 'My Belief/Faith' that I can be the best I can be because my desire out-weighs my fear…
And now, the song that my darling brother was playing non-stop whenever he was at home; the song that we danced silly to (but looked pretty damn' good doing it); the song that I have now been playing non-stop since returning to the California…'Your Love' and 'Yuh Love' à The Remix! J
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSFyrrhKj1Q&feature=related
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