Jealousy

I’ve wanted to write about this topic for quite some time now; why? Well, its somehow been coming up a lot lately, with friends who are marrying, married, divorced, newly in a relationship, problems in relationships etc. It’s a road we all must walk down at some point and the way we choose to handle it is what this blog is about.

We all have our fun single days when we’re free to go and come as we please, when we think for ourselves and do whatever it is that keeps our hearts happy. When we become a couple, we begin to realize that it isn’t about just ourselves anymore but now we must shift gears and think of the other person also. Must there be a complete change in who we are or ultimatums to keep a relationship in tack? Or could we carry-on as we did before?

I know some situations personally where friends who have gotten married or in new relationships completely disregard their old friends and lose contacts freely as they embark upon their new journey. Then I’ve also seen these same journeys come to a nasty halt and friends feeling alone as now they have none of their old friend’s to go to. I’ve heard time and time again men and women exclaim – “I’ve given up everything for you!” I ask, how can ‘anyone’ truly respect you, if you don’t love and respect yourself? Why on earth would you give up ‘everything’ meaning friends and who you are as a person to please someone else? Isn’t that what attracted them to you in the first place?

Relationships should be based on trust, and if there is open communication and discussions about things then the partner should feel at ease. It brings us back to trust. Sure one may become jealous at times, but must we then give up all of our friends of the opposite sex when beginning a new relationship? Can’t we have general conversations without sexual intentions or outcomes of cheating? Now I’m not saying that we should be silly and stiff like a freshly drying garden-gnome and do nothing about something! But what are grounds exactly of that raised eye-brows ‘something’?

If your significant other/spouse doesn’t go about his/her usual “Okay babe, I miss you – I’ll talk to you later.”Or you hear your guy/girl saying they’re going to meet an old friend at the club at 2am. Or he/she got invited to a pool-party reunion and one of the ex’s will be there; I say raise more than eyebrows at this point! J But if your ‘babe’ happens to have a good friend of the opposite sex and they correspond from time-to-time and you trust your mate, then you should have nothing to fear.

It’s difficult not to carry baggage from one relationship to the other; it makes us who we are and all the more wiser to how we deal with situations in the future; but these experiences aren’t designed to create you into a bitter person that keeps constant tabs on your lover. We are bombarded with silly and un-realistic half-hour sitcoms, ‘blame it on the alcohol’ type music and horror stories from our own lives and friends, but everyone is not the same. And if you begin a relationship in fear, low self-esteem and insecurity, your thoughts will only terrorize your fears further.

I am, no Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, or Oprah, but I’d say learn to let go once in a while and give your spouse a little breathing room. And another thing; if you are secure in a solid and healthy relationship with your spouse/significant other, then there should be no need of him/her having to frequently ask advice or have the company from opposite sex friends. After-all great lovers begin from great friends! J

What are your thoughts?

Bless-up!

Jair