Home is where the Love Is

So I'm driving back from the airport today, extremely exhausted and happen to glimpse a billboard saying, 'Home is where the war is'; and I ponder, "What craziness is this?!" Being the natural investigator I am, not to mention one of the top investigators at the SIMS agency, having the snazzy company car, the groovy trench-coat and the perfect hat to match; I'm quite sure if I were to solve this new riddle, I just may finally get that flashy pipe! – hahah Whenever I see negative or curse statements I try to turn it around into something positive. Was home really where the war was? Certainly not! Home was definitely where the 'Love' is. For if one lives in a place where they're not glad to return to, and if someone lives where they are only greeted with complaints or petty arguments, then it most certainly couldn't be one of love; and then it positively couldn't be a place called home either for that matter! After doing my research I'd found out this was an advert for a brand new shooter game, and apparently as it stood out to me, it undoubtedly stood out for many other video gamers as well.

Then it got me thinking of a lovely flight mate I had met shortly prior and about her story and her torment. We had flown together before, and I'd realized this after seeing her eyes. So passionate, so wide, so gentle, but her frame had changed as she'd explained to me. She had lost immense weight, for she was mourning, she was going through a divorce. I would be lying if I said I didn't know others going through similar ordeals, because now is a time more than ever where divorce rates are sky-high. She was broken I could tell, she was smiling but not truly smiling, she was pleasant, but not truly filled with joy, she was working, so as to not focus or deal with the pain at hand. Being a good Catholic, she felt that she gave her all, respected her vows and now felt as though her world was falling apart. In the eyes of the world and in the eyes of her church, I could tell that she felt she was a failure.

Sure, I had not walked 'up' an aisle with sweet music and had my family present giving me their blessings and wonderful gifts. And sure I had not stared the person in the eyes and said the words, "I do". And sure I had not lived with another and slept next to them every night. However I knew what love is, and I knew what it was like to lose it. I understood when she told me of the aching within her heart that didn't seem to quiet down; the sleepless nights and the nauseous feelings that arose from time to time. I knew those feelings all too well, they were sickening and depressing and I did not see a way out; however in the back of my mind I knew that I had to go through this situation because 'out' was better than living a lie. 'Out' was better than settling for less and giving and giving in vain to someone who only wanted to use me and didn't appreciate my uniqueness and my love. I knew that despite these withdrawal symptoms and feelings of loss that I was doing something important for me; to regain my strength, my balance, and my genuine joy that had been lost.

We choose our trials because we wish to garner wisdom and spiritual enlightening from them; but most times we forget and get sucked into the human emotions that wrap around us tightly, seizing any ounce of normalcy we assumed and settled with in our lives. We have to let go. We have to journey onwards brave, knowing that yes, I do not see where I'm going, but I trust you God/Universe that ground will appear, and I believe that this was necessary for my growth and my ultimate happiness. If you think that's the best there is; well darling, think again! For as soon as you surrender and begin your healing, you'll be surprised to see what the Universe has in store for you. It is ten times better than you could even expect or imagine! J

I'm not saying you shouldn't cry. I'm not saying you shouldn't scream and punch the walls and pillows. I'm not saying that you cannot make sarcastic remarks and jokes. This is all part of the human healing; however go through it like a spiritual warrior, embrace it for what it is, and go through that pain, it is something you chose to learn from, and when you do, only then will you be able to garner the necessary curing for your heart. The shots of vodka, the sleeping pills, the ganja, the solid work schedule are only temporary alleviations, and when you're silent and still again, the feelings will crop up again too. You must heal yourself from the inside-out. It's not easy, but nothing good in life comes easy either. Sit with your fear of not knowing the future, sit with your pain that throbs in your heart, become friends with your salty tears, and tire yourself from running up and down the mountain, just so you can truly breath again (living in the now and not the past), but deal with it head-on. Deal with it naturally…it is the only way you will be able to truly heal.

Everyone has their own challenges…mine these days are patience. I am a fire-fly, trapped in spicy pursuit, I long and yearn for the one that makes my heart pitter-patter; but the time is not now, and I am fully aware of it. I only wish I could kiss and make them feel better, but the healing journey is one they must walk on their own, and even when you think you are alone, you really aren't. Your guardian angel is right at your side, seeing and hearing you, wishing only you will reach out for their angelic joy and comfort. Trust your instincts and intuition; you have made the right decision. You aren't a failure. You are a beautiful, unique, perfect, loving stream of light gracing everyone's presence you come in contact with. Believe it. Be gentle with yourself, love yourself, nourish yourself, and take it easy. The 'true-love' that you always wished for, is patiently waiting for you to 'really' smile again…and come home, for after all it's where love truly awaits! J

Love Jair