Fame & Fortune

I look at actresses I admire like Audrey Tatou, Rachel MacAdams and Zoe Saldana; all a couple years older than me, and quite successful in film. I absolutely adore film and through my studies at University as well as my everyday learning I yearn to emulate the positivity in their lives… I would be lying if I didn't also think about the glamorous aspect that comes along with achievement in this field. In fact, it has crossed my mind many times…

Living in Los Angeles, my eyes have been expanded to the truth of many people who live here hoping all to accomplish fame and fortune. Countless amounts of people really and truly do not care about the craft or art of film; the majority only wish to have 'Papparazo' follow them according to the film La Dolce Vita. Fame can be infectious, it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure that one out, just log into your facebook. People love attention, they feel as though if they have more attention, they have more love, if they have more love, then they translate that into happiness.

Happiness is a bit tricky. It is fleeting, it comes and it goes; I've been meaning to read/buy the Dalia Lama's book on 'Happiness', but haven't had the prospect to do so as yet. I'm sure he says though that you are in control and in charge of your own happiness. It shouldn't be based upon how famous you are or become, it shouldn't be based upon how much money you make, or how beautiful you appear on the outside, because all these things are temporary…only your mind and spirit is what goes on forever. Therefore be the master of these addictions; set them straight and tell them whose boss!

On my last flight I had Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz on board, and they demanded attention from the time they walked onboard. Their assistants and 'bouncers' claimed they'd be rushed by paparazzi upon arrival. I saw them huddled together, hand in hand with oversized sun-glasses at night, hoping to whisk away un-noticed to their secret location in Beverly Hills. Did I want a life like this? Would this bring me happiness? I love film, all aspects of it, but what about the fame and fortune aspect? I wanted to be the best I could be and successful, hence my immense sacrifice to live a lonely life away from all of my family and friends. So what did this mean? Was I also here in the City of Angels, hoping to strike it rich? Is this what success looked like?

It was good to ask myself all these questions, because only I had the answers within me. I knew that I did love film, I knew that if I didn't pursue this career I wouldn't be happy, I knew that even though being away from my dear family and friends was the ultimate sacrifice that I wanted to be the best I could be. But I knew also that I did not want to be a 'Hollywood' actress. In other words, bombs blowing up, big breasted women and fast cars were not stories I cared to tell. I want to be a part of positive change, of inspiration and simple stories that were profound and meaningful. I know those films are out there, and I know that people who make others famous, don't necessarily hound actresses/writers/directors who do films of this nature. Therefore I am safe, once I remember who I am, what I'm about and where this journey will lead me…